Broky Bitch

Referral program

Seriously?!

Are you still believing in this stuff?

You came here looking for a link that pays you when your friends sign up. We don't have one. What follows is satire built on arithmetic and pattern recognition: no statistics, no named companies, just the math you can redo yourself. It's cheaper than finding out the usual way.

  • Referral math is an inverted funnel of disappointment

    Run the arithmetic on any program you like. Say it pays €5 per signup and you convince twenty friends (be honest: closer to three). Somewhere between €15 and €100, for spending social capital you built over years. Your friends' trust, priced at a kebab.

  • If recruiting pays better than using, that's not a product

    Any scheme where the money comes mainly from bringing people in, rather than from the thing itself being useful, has a famous three-letter shape. The people at the top of the pyramid thank you for your enthusiasm.

  • You learn exactly zero transferable skills

    A year of aggressive referral-hustling teaches you: how to make family dinners awkward. That's it. No product skill, no market skill, no craft. The CV line reads 'annoyed acquaintances, 2026'.

  • The house always counts on you giving up

    A referral program only makes sense for the company if your recruiting costs them less than advertising would. Read that again: your unpaid marketing labor is the product. You are not the partner; you are the ad budget they didn't spend.

  • The opportunity cost is the real invoice

    The 40 hours you'd spend pushing links could be 40 hours learning one skill someone pays real money for. One of these compounds. The other one gets your messages left on read.

The actual offer

We do have invitations here, carriage passes, but they pay exactly nothing, on purpose. You invite someone because examining money decisions together beats doing it alone. That's the entire compensation plan.

Stop clicking Buy. Start producing evidence.